Miscarriage: Waiting

Another of my long-ago writings...

Having a miscarriage is about waiting...

You call your doctor, "I'm bleeding!"
"Go to bed... put your feet up... rest...
we'll wait and see what happens."

You start cramping.
Your doctor says, "Come in for a blood test."
But the results won't be back until Monday.

Waiting for the call...
wondering and worrying what the results will be.
The phone rings...
but it's just a guy doing a survey.

At last, the call!
"The results are in, but we'll need a second test to compare it with, to see if it's rising or falling."

There you are, back in the doctor's office...
waiting for a second test.

Your cramps are heavier...
Your HCG level is dropping...
as you sadly wait for your precious baby to slip away.

The doctor calls it an "incomplete abortion".
You wait in the hospital for the D & C.
To scrap away the last remnants of your pregnancy.

You weep as you change your pads...
alone in your grief and sorrow.
Waiting for someone to understand,
for someone to acknowledge the loss of your very real baby.

Waiting to "put this all behind you...
and get on with your life!"

What life? Your baby is gone!

Waiting for your next period,
or the magic number your doctor suggests...
before trying again.

Trying again, waiting till ovulation time...
counting the days till your period's due...
Hoping and praying it won't come THIS month.

Suddenly you're one-two-three days late.
Too hard to wait,
so you buy a pregnancy test at the drug store.

It needs morning urine,
so you spend the night...
sleepless with concern...

"Yes, I am...
no, I'm not!"

Finally morning comes,
you watch the little stick.

"No, it's not going to change...
Well, maybe...
Could it be??
Yes, Yes,
YES!!! It's changed!"

"Oh, no... what if it happens again???"

And you begin waiting all over again...