Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Helpful "Advice" to multiple loss

I was reading Stephanie's post today on her Waiting for Baby Orange blog. She went to an alternative therapy clinic and was given the advice to go vegan/organic and quit her job to prevent future miscarriages.

Of course, that advice does appear to work for some, though I tend to believe that babies come when they come, no matter what you do. Most people will probably attribute your success to whatever you were doing at the moment, but I don't think that is necessarily true.

But it got me thinking of all the "advice" I've gotten over the years. Since the RE has declared me perfectly normal and healthy - that there is nothing medically wrong with me to cause all these miscarriages - perhaps I should re-think some of that "advice".

Let's see, I was vegetarian and working out at the gym 7 days/week for 2 years, when I got pregnant in 2004. I was happy, in a new relationship and the most relaxed I had ever been. Still miscarried.

I quit my job after we got married in May/05, and got pregnant in Dec/05. Still miscarried.

I saw a naturopath/accupuncturist for about a year, still miscarried.

The naturopath/accuptunturist said I just needed to relax. I asked how relaxing would help me not miscarry? She said if I was more relaxed, my body would stop rejecting my babies.

OK, how exactly do you relax after 7 miscarriages?

Well, I did my very best to stay calm that last time, wouldn't even go into the doctor till it was too late, because I knew it would only stress me out. I slept as much as I could, and spent the day with my feet up, listening to mellow music. Still miscarried.

That leaves me with the "spiritual healer" I spoke with at a Reiki seminar. She told me that the reason I kept miscarrying was because I didn't have enough love inside of me. That my babies left me because they "knew" that I didn't have enough love to share. I wept in their bathroom for 10 minutes before I could pull myself back together enough to finish that seminar.

So I guess my lost babies "knew" what a horrible, up-tight person I was and just left. But that doesn't explain why my 3 children, those brave souls, decided to stay!


Cricket said...

Touche, Catherine! I love your posts.

I wonder why they'd say I could never even get to the point of miscarriage. I carried one child to term, my apparent allotment of pregnancy opportunities for this life, I guess. Am I too vile and bitter for another to even try to stick? Have I used up all my love-giving capabilities on him?

I think not.

Antique Mommy said...

People with stupid advice/comments usually are well intended but hurtful and stupid all the same. Having been widowed AND struggled with infertility I could write a book on the some really stupid things people have said to me thinking they were going to make me feel better!