Conflicting emotions

Of course, I feel grateful that despite the miscarriage, my body can still get pregnant at my age. But thinking of all the time lost, at this point in my life - 7 weeks of pregnancy, another 2 months before my cycles return to normal - I can't help feeling frustrated. And then guilty for feeling frustrated!

Then having my cycle go wacky, and my bloodwork numbers go wacky along with the cycle, I try to accept that it's over, and that I should move on. Then I go in for my recurrent miscarriage testing follow-up appointment. The doubting RE dr does more bloodwork, and says, you just ovulated! Yep, two more weeks of waiting...

Finally I get my period, go in for MORE bloodwork, and get perfect results - you would think by my results I was 10 years younger! FSH - 9.8, E2 - 27.52, LH - 3.7, P4 - 0.94. Doubting RE dr says this is a good cycle, and you will ovulate soon!

It just seems, every time I am ready to give up, to finally give in and accept this crazy ride is over, another carrot is dangled in front of me. Just maybe, just maybe, one more time...

So, for at least one more cycle, I won't give up yet...