Thursday, December 22, 2005

Miscarriage: Why Grieve?

Till the holidays are over, I will just share my miscarriage writings from after my 5th miscarriage at 34y old.

Why grieve so...
Over the loss of such a tiny bit of life?
A few weeks of pregnancy.
A momentary life experience.
Why does it seem to leave an emptiness in your life?

What could be missing?

Could it be...
The secret smile over the life kicking within?
The belly, boldly telling the world of your happiness?
The first glimpse of wet hair, and tiny face?
The sound of a first cry?
The important question - boy or girl?

Making phone calls...
"The baby's here - and beautiful!"?
A tiny mouth, nuzzling at your breast?
Wee baby clothes - freshly washed and waiting?
Visitors - oh-ing and ah-ing...
"There's Uncle Joe's nose and Aunt Mary's chin."?
The first smile?
A carriage ride to show baby off to the world?

A downy cheek to kiss?
Chubby arms encircling your neck?
A toothless grin, and giggly fat belly?
Those unsteady first steps?
The beautiful sound of "Mama"?
An exciting ride atop Daddy's broad shoulders?

The little girl holding your hand, as she toddles around your home?
The little boy, whooshing down the slide?
The first day of school - full of tears and excitement?
Riding a two-wheeler, for the very first time?

The first rush of puppy love?
Best friends and sleep-overs?
A gangly teenager, asking to borrow the car?
Getting ready for a Friday night date?
A long hug, before your grown-up child leaves for college?

Just a tiny bit of life.

No memories shared.
No hopes answered.
No dreams fulfilled.

A baby never held.
A cry never heard.
A baby never-to-be-known.

But, oh... the possibilities!

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