Saturday, January 07, 2006

Miscarriage: Understanding

Sorry, I haven't had much time to write lately, so I am including another one of my older writings...

If you talked about it... would anyone understand...

Why you feel such rage... and sadness... when you read of the newborn baby found dead in a dumpster... wrapped up as garbage?

Why you find it difficult to attend baby showers, and baby christenings?

Why you stood at the window of the hospital nursery the day your nephew was born... and cried?

Why, when asked if this is your last child, you answer, "I don't know..."?

Why the opportunity for another pregnancy fills you with excitement, hope... and terror?

Why you get depressed for "no good reason"?

Why you can't "just forget" the baby(ies) you've lost?

Why sometimes you look the other way, when you pass a pregnant woman on the street... and other times you stare?

Why you don't get excited when your best friend announces her pregnancy?

Why you feel the need to give names to your babies... never-seen... never-to-be-known?

Why, even when not attempting a pregnancy... you find your monthly period a painful reminder?

Why you feel the need, after "all this time", to still talk about your experience... your loss... your baby?

Why certain days and times of the year are especially difficult for you?

Why you feel such an ache in your heart... when you see a mother holding her newborn baby?

Why, when you see a parent loosely holding... or worse yet, not even pick up a screaming infant... you want to grab that baby away?

Why you have daydreams of finding a baby under a bush... or on your doorstep... or that a young mom will decide she doesn't want to keep her baby, and give the baby to you?

Why another pregnancy to you, means another loss... not a baby?

Why you feel so jealous of all the people who go through pregnancy in ignorant bliss... with no problems?

Why, when you hear an announcement of pregnancy YOU suffer months of worry and concern... till that baby is safely born?

Who would understand... if you talked of these thoughts... these emotions... these feelings?

Who would say, "Yes, I know what you mean!" or "You're not crazy".

Sadly, oh so sadly, no-one but another mother who has lost her hopes... her dreams... her future... her baby.

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