Wednesday, March 15, 2006

No more mommies?

Tricia Smith Vaughan calls herself the Comic Mom, though I didn't find the two columns I read this morning particular funny. I haven't read them all yet, perhaps I missed the comic part.

But I did find the two columns I read this morning thought-provoking - No More Mommies? and Too Busy to Reproduce? While I would not want to side with some of her politically-incorrect opinions - she does remind me of some of my own concerns.

Too Busy to Reproduce? reminds me of the post I did on FF about how If You Wanna Make a Baby, You Gotta Do the Dance. Several people responded to tell me why they just didn't have time for sex. I understand that life is busy, but if twice a month just isn't getting you pregnant after several months of trying, perhaps it's time to step up the frequency a bit?

Now No More Mommies? - I have spend a great deal of my life reading, researching and thinking about the effect of conception, pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and early childhood on children. I had books like Immaculate Deception, Spiritual Midwifery, Birth Without Violence, The Secret Life of the Unborn, The Continuum Concept and Breastfeeding Matters (and many more!) in my own personal library.

All of this is a big part of who I am, though I don't say very much about it. I am aware that my ideas are not popular in the mainstream world. And that is OK. But I really believe it matters, that it makes a difference, and that it has long-reaching effects on a person's life. I know this is not a popular belief in today's world, but since everyone is allowed to have their opinion, I think I can have mine as long as I don't force it on someone else.

However, I already have 3 children, I am not in the position of a woman who is unable to get pregnant unassisted. I can't say how I would decide if I were in that position. Probably it wouldn't bother me as much, because I never would have done all the reading and research that I did after having my children.

My perspective would be totally different. But I still don't believe anyone should be denied a child because of my beliefs. It's not any of my business how a child comes into your life, as long as it is a much wanted, much loved child.

My favourite aunt was adopted, and I wouldn't wanted to miss having her in my life. My step brother and his wife adopted after many heart-breaking years of infertility, and I know he is the light of their lives.

Yes, there are many children whose lives are made much better by adoption. However, the reality of our world is the children who would most benefit from being adopted into a loving family, are left with their abusive parents. It is a sad world, and I have no answers for any of this...

I have several friends who suffered devastating losses, before they moved on to adopt their children. I know many online who have suffered years of infertility and loss and have moved on to donor egg, and I honestly do believe that it is a wonderful option for them.

I have seen the heartache they have suffered. These are not uncaring career women who scheduled time for a baby late in life, as Tricia says. They didn't simply wait till a convenient time, then realize it was too late. They are usually women devastated at years of trying, either unable to conceive or unable to maintain a pregnancy. I truly want them to have the baby they so much desired.

But it does worry me where Tricia says it is all desensitizes us. I do see what she means. I don't know know what the answer is though. I am able to see both sides, feel for each side.

In fact, I think I could comfortably debate either side of most arguments - despite my strong feelings on a topic. Because there is no absolute right or wrong, no good or bad with most decisions. But the dark side that Tricia mentions may have implications in the future that we, as a society, had never considered.

I know I am weird, but I tend to worry about stuff like that...


Shinny said...

Once again, you just amaze me. To actually admit that even with strong feelings on a subject you are able to see that there may not be a right or wrong answer.

You are my Idol and I am going to try to be a better person like you.

I need to read those articles but just wanted to say that it takes a very brave and strong person to admit that regardless of their own personal beliefs, that there may be another side to the story. WOW!!!!! Thank you for the inspiration.

Cricket said...

Talk about perceptions, have you read Jessica Mitford's The American Way of Birth? It is astounding how differently we do things in the US. Same applies for another of her books, The American Way of Death, which I haven't read yet.

Catherine McDiarmid-Watt said...

Shanna, I'm not perfect, don't idolize me! I just have an open mind, which can be a scary thing sometimes! ;)

Cricket, I haven't read that book yet, but I just looked it up on Amazon, and it's a lot like the books I have read in the past.