Thursday, March 09, 2006

A baby lost, a baby grieved

My world is spinning, and I don't know how to respond???

How does one respond when someone who was so very cruel to you during your miscarriage, loses her baby???

Not just thoughtless words, not just careless actions - but deliberate cruelty. Spreading lies that turned people you thought of as friends, against you. That left you with little support, and few to turn to for answers and comfort? Who, when confronted by her behaviour by others, said that just proved that her lies were truth. Hardening hearts that use to care about you???

My heart was pierced through when I read the news of her loss! OMG, I would NEVER wish this on anyone, NEVER want another to lose her baby. NEVER wish anyone to feel this pain, to have her heart ripped out.

Every baby that is wanted, every baby that is loved, every baby that is longed for - should NEVER be lost. Every baby that is awaited with joy, should grow securely under the mother's heart, until ready to be placed in the mother's arms. The world is such an unjust place...

I fear that my expression of sorrow at her loss, my participation in a gift of flowers - would be unwelcome, unwanted. So I will grieve quietly here for her, and for her husband. Wishing her peace and comfort.

And most of all, I grieve for her little baby. Never to be held, never to be known.

Goodbye little one...


Shinny said...

I don't know how you can do it. I guess I am just plain evil.
If someone had done that to me I don't know if I could feel bad enough for them to make a post on my blog.
You must be a saint. ;)
Granted the loss of a baby would make me sad but I am not sure if I would be able to feel pain and sorrow for the mother after all that. I have really turned into a cold hearted person over the past few years, I just realized that.
Hope all is well with you and I love your posts. I won't be hurt if you don't put this on your comments, I just wanted to send you a note telling you how strong and brave and caring I think you are.

Anonymous said...


I am so sorry for your loss. I finally started paying for Fertility Friend, primarily to follow your story, was offline when you lost your baby, so I didn't know anything negative had happened to you within the community. I am so sorry for that experience, as you had always been such a positive support for everyone on the boards. I, for one, very much miss reading your posts. Thanks for the blog!

Shinny said...

You asked why the FSH is determining the HSG? From what I recall the doc explaining it is due to my age they are testing my FSH, first and depending on what the levels are that may indicate that I am premenapausal. If that is the case, to pursue the whole getting pregnant thing would mean going beyond doing it the old fashion way, so drugs of some sort and on past that. Since we can not afford to pursue the drugs or other options beside the old fashion way, the FSH will tell us what else may be going on, like the ovaries are expired and to quit while we are ahead. I can still ovulate however the egg quality is greatly reduced once the FSH starts to elevate and that apparently can effect when ovulation occurs so if an egg releases too early or too late it could possibly get fertilized but then would not be good enough quality to grow right and so that would be a good time to just stop. It would be upsetting but at least not as bad as another loss. I just don't know if I could go through that.
Thanks for popping over to my site. I really do admire you.