Monday, March 06, 2006

Writing, or filling space?

I thought, when I created this blog, that I would be able to finally write out my grief. I have been writing since I was a little girl, published in several magazines and have 3 self-published books. Writing is who I am!

But I find so little time to write, to explore my feelings, my grief. I have a busy internet business, as well as helping my sister-in-law market her online business, I go to the gym 4 times a week, working with a personal trainer, plus the miscarriage support group meetings every other week. Wears me out just thinking about it! (For those that keep telling me I need to get a life - sorry, I don't have time to fit anymore in!)

But really, I cringe from writing out my thoughts here in public. After several personal attacks, I feel stunted in my writing, unable to express freely my thoughts and feelings. (Yes, I have let their judgement and harrasment get to me - are you happy now??)

So I post old writings, filling space - and wonder - what's the point??

I have spent a lifetime helping others, beyond what most would be willing to do. This was started to help me, and it's not really. I have learned lately that it needs to help me, or it's not worth doing for me.

I don't know where I am going with this, just putting my thoughts down on the keyboard for now...


Cricket said...

Catherine, I think you are an important voice. You say things that need to be said. You are a vital part of a social commentary that needs to be revealed.

Your words may help you; it may help others, but it needs to be out there.

I didn't realize you'd been attacked. I hope you can think, instead, of how important it is that you say these things.

Shinny said...

I am so sorry for your losses as well as for having been attacked on your blog. How awful to be writing down your thoughts, good, bad and ugly and have someone have the nerve to attack you for what you are thinking or feeling at that time!
Let me at them and I will give them my two cents. Only fair that someone should give it back to them and I can totally understand that you may not have the energy to do it. Therefore, we in Bloglandia can not sit by and let one of our fellow Bloglandians take any kind of abuse.
Plus since I am from Northern Wisconsin, "Don't mess with Momma Bear's friends and family", it ain't purty. ;) Point me in the right direction and the claws will be bared, get it? Bared, bear. HA! Love your posts, don't leave us. You have been such a help in times of need.

Catherine McDiarmid-Watt said...

Thanks to both of you for making me feel my little blog is worthwhile!

The problem has been resolved & with moderation & blocking hopefully won't be repeated.

Sadly, I am just having trouble dealing with the after effects, knowing they are still out there, reading my blog every day. I can see them in my stats - now who needs to get a life??? LOL