Saturday, December 24, 2005

What is it about December?

It just doesn't seem to be my month!

I miscarried my first baby at 8 weeks the 2nd week of December.

I miscarried my second baby at 14 weeks the following year, in the second week of December.

I conceived my seventh baby, under the Christmas tree many years later, and miscarried at 7 weeks the end of January.

Many more years later, I conceived my ninth baby while on vacation in Florida, on New Year's Eve. Only to miscarry on Valentine's Day at 8 weeks.

Last year I had an early loss, again in the second week of December.

I feel cursed!!

Anyhow, I was thinking again of our baby's due-date "twin" - and wrote a new poem today...

I watch this little girl and I can only think of you.

I see her cry,
and I think of comforting away your tears.
I see her play,
and I think of the joy we would have had together.

I see her in her grandparents arms,
and think of the joy you would have brought yours.
I see her cuddle into her daddy's arms,
and I think of how much your daddy wanted to hold you.

I watch her eyes close in sleep,
and I know I will never know that peace with you.
I watch the joy she brings her family,
while ours remains in sorrow.

Never to be held,
never to be comforted,
never to bring joy,
never to be known.

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