Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Miscarriage: Multiple Loss

Another of my older writings...

"Was this your first pregnancy?" the nurse asks. "No, actually it was my eighth pregnancy."

"My, you've been a busy little rabbit, haven't you?" the nurse responds gaily. "Not really, I've only had two live births," you say sadly.

With your first miscarriage, you lost your innocence - the promise of a baby for every pregnancy. That "things like that" only happened to other people. With repeated miscarriage, you begin to lose your hope and joy, your courage to go on. The promise of a baby in your future seems in serious doubt.

"This is your fifth miscarriage? Then you should be used to it by now. I guess it's easier since you know what to expect - right?"

Each new pregnancy becomes a strange and panicky time, full of secrets and fears. As each day passes, you sometimes wish the bleeding and cramping WOULD START - just to get the agony of waiting over with. Each miscarriage dredges up every other loss you've experienced. Your father's death, when you were only six. The year you were sent to live with your grandmother. The divorce from your first husband. Your grandfather's death. Your neighbour's baby that died of SIDS. Plus all your previous miscarriages.

"Maybe you weren't meant to be parents!" "Maybe God is trying to tell you something!" "Kids are just trouble anyhow, consider yourself lucky!"

Facing family and friends with yet another loss, is difficult enough. But facing each other, how and when do you decide enough is enough? Some parents stop after two or three miscarriages, deciding to adopt their families instead. Some are still trying after 13 miscarriages.

"Well, we've given you all the tests. Everything came back negative. You're both perfectly normal. There is no physical reason for you to be miscarrying. Why don't you just go home and try again!?"

This is a life they are asking you to risk - your baby's life - not just some case of the measles! Not to mention the physical, mental and emotional toll on you and your partner. Statistically, the odds are against you. After one miscarriage, you have a 13% chance of miscarrying again. After two miscarriages, your chances increase to 40%. After three miscarriages, you have a 60% chance of losing your baby in your next pregnancy.

However, there is hope! Two books that helped me deal specifically with educating parents to help prevent miscarriage. In his book, Dr. Stefan Semchyshyn (along with Carol Colman) is proud of a 97% success rate with his program - How to Prevent Miscarriage, and Other Crises of Pregnancy.

Dr. Johnathan Scher (along with Carol Dix) offers the newest developments in medical science for the prevention of recurrent miscarriage - Preventing Miscarriage: The Good News.

With their help, many parents have come through that long and lonely tunnel of recurrent miscarriage - to finally hold that most precious gift of all - their own healthy full-term baby - in their arms!

1 comment:

Cricket said...

I'm so glad you're posting again, Catherine. Take care.